husband doesn t want to go on family vacation
Everyone he talks to agrees with him. Well, first of all, they dont. I definitely do know what you mean, and what the OP describes is definitely on the problematic side of asking for permission she listed off reasons the husband has given that she shouldnt go to this particular place, not reasons why it would be logistically difficult for him or any other rational concerns. I mean, we really cant say from the letter which it is, but its so easy to read into it either anxiety or controlling/toxic depending on what weve personally experienced. I dont know about gambling but partying? You could rent a car, though, and see lots of great places Hoover Dam, Boulder City, Red Rock Canyon, drive around Lake Mead, drive through Death Valley, go to Scottys Castle, just drive down to Jean and Primm and back for the heck of it (we did that several times when we lived there), Mt. Even if you dont get fired or demoted, youre showing that you arent reliable to do normal business things, and youre missing out on opportunities to grow your career and to network etc. How would it feel if you lost your job or got demoted because you stopped travelling due to his shenanigans? Marriage counselling is categorically not recommended if there is abuse. Significant others who mess with your career or education are bad news. My jaw literally dropped. Interestingly, prostitution is a county-by-county decision in Nevada. assigning women extra work to help them, calling out when youre in the ER, and more. Doyou have any tips onbuilding trust, friendship, and respect with your partners family? He couldnt leave her in a peace for five minutes on her last business trip, and is questioning the companys motives, all while she is the primary breadwinner? The thing is, if you go there repeatedly the sheen really does wear off. Should I take him into account? *offers you an internet hug*. July 1, 2022 Posted by clients prepaid financial services derbyshire; 01 . My mom believes that her quiet suburban neighborhood and my own are overrun by prowling sex offenders when the sun goes down. Vegas has a convenient airport, massive conference facilities, and tons of hotels that cater to business travelers. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. For example, my wife likes to go for walks, and sometimes takes a scenic route while enjoying herself outside (She loves hiking and exploring in nature). You (both individually and as a family) need your income. simple path graph example; tahoe blue vodka costco; emt patient assessment cheat sheet pdf Alternar men. The most important part of travelling alone is that your lover is on the same page as you. Clearly it was a biased survey either way, but Im just very curious :P. I can totally see it being true assuming his friends were not also her friends and therefore only ever got his side of the story on anything, so of course they believe him and think shes in the wrong. It is obvious that anyone who says that has never been here, because there arent even that many people who are obviously Muslims living here. Best of luck on your issues, and I hope you get the resolution youre seeking! You write that he is friendly but just doesn't like to socialize outside of the house. Whenever we had a fight he would kowtow me with how everyone agreed with him and had various complaints about me that theyd apparently shared with him but never brought to me. 33 answers. Her starting point is out of loveshe doesnt want to lose me. He could show he loves you by treating you as an equal and making you know that your feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter. Very true, which is why I separated the two as control/abuse; theyre not necessarily part of the same package. Updated: June 23, 2020. Huh. Ive felt less safe in a couple of places in my own city. Eh, sex work is legitimate work. Get some counseling, dood. I played Princess Bride slots for 45 minutes. Kidnappings, someone spiking your drink, etc. No. We went to the Grand Canyon, went ziplining in the mountains and had a great without ever stepping in a casino. A week? And the largest baggage-caroussel room Id ever seen and then I saw the OTHER baggage-caroussel room, that was unused at the time. I also dont think cultural relativity is relevant when OP is clearly uncomfortable with his behaviour. Just those who DO think its abuse should be aware that when they think that, the best thing to suggest is individual not joint therapy. Its the inappropriate (in typical American business culture) reaction of the husband thats the issue here, not whether its legitimate to try and get out of business trips sometimes. But leave out the reasons, the excuses, the justifications and the emotions, as far as you can. I have to comment on this one. At the time, we had 3 kids and they were around 5, 3, and 18 months. Prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas. Las Vegas hotels have cameras everywhere. I suppose OP knows her own husband best, theres a chance inviting him along would be an offer of Good Faith to show that theres really nothing all that bad about Sin City. I think theres sometimes a tendency in certain corners of the internet to equate I have to talk to my partner about X before I can do it or My partner doesnt want me to do Y with OMG controlling relationship!, when there are lots of circumstances where that kind of thing is totally reasonable. An emotionally distant husband may often seem indifferent or indecisive about decisions: Vacation destinations. OP, do you think hes more worried for you (someone will spike your drink, youll get kidnapped) or worried about you (youll cheat on him)? Weve been a few times on holiday and love it the shopping, the food we dont even bother with the gambling. The veg option at the two meals at the convention center consisted entirely of iceberg lettuce salad). I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. Whether hes choosing them consciously or not, hes certainly trying to use them as a weapon to manipulate his wife into doing what he wants. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. Has heever done this before with other people inhis life? My professional association alternates years between Vegas and Disney for its annual conference because those two places are both great for massive groups of people at a reasonable price. We have been arguing and I just don't know what to do. The obvious thing is that anxiety, fear and control issues are not rational, and no matter how many times you state the reality, it wont change a thing. Ha, my team at Exjob traveled all the time (consultants) and they said the only thing good about it was the FF miles and points. Did I stand out? You have three options in how to proceed: (1) You could say no to the trip (a week off can be just impossible to coordinate these days! I dont think youre going to be able to use logic or rational arguments to rid him of any fears. That was my thinking toohow much did he lead them into getting the exact answer he wanted? When I was years into my emotionally abusive first marriage, I had a long list of all the ways he was great. I hope he can get help and is able to recognize this about himself, since you say hes a great husband otherwise. I spent a lot of the day just wandering around the strip). It doesnt sound as though shes given him any reason to be so insecure. Abuse isnt as uncommon as you think it is. Gift of fear is fine for some things, but lacking in partnership issues advice and perspective. Seriously, I think most of my husbands friends have been to Las Vegas at some point for their jobs, no matter what their jobs are. But I am going to totally disagree with you that its not a relationship problem. They might be mad that they're not invited . Sometimes, well even travel to the same city together, but then spit up and hang out with two completely separate groups of friends. No amount of marriage counseling will fix controlling. I gave the ring back soon after. Its really easy to say everyone else agrees (and they conveniently do so somewhere that you cant actually see/hear what they said), so anything that smacks of that strikes me as worthy of taking with a shakerfull of salt. Honestly, Vegas is what you make it, and its different things for different people. Sometimes your partner will say they support you in fleeing the nest, and they may want to support you with all their might, but are battling with feelings of their own. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. Just to give you an idea, my husband, my 10 week old, and I went to New Jersey this past weekend to see some of my husband's family. I have no problem with him going to week-long management training or long weekends away for bachelor parties. M.M. Sure, but then the question would be my boss wants me to go on a business trip but I have a new baby/my spouses parent is seriously ill/my house just flooded and I need to deal with insurance/whatever, how should I ask my boss if I can get out of it. Forget $200, I once needed to add a night to my reservation at the Rio last minute.it was $20. 4. Who the hell lies about going on vacation with family while simultaneously depriving you of a partner, coparent, and also seeing your own family. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. In which case OP should divorce his sorry ass posthaste, because those guys are genuinely dangerous and also do not deserve companionship. I agree that the OP should not even consider not going on the trip. I second counseling. They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. Ive been to Vegas a couple of times and saw a ton of business conferences and expos going on. I thought his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. Read: how could he know I was where I said I was? I wonder if there are other circumstances in which he exhibits similar behavior. This is more his problem than yours. And it also sounds like this is unusual in their area, so its not a situation that he sees tons of people going through unruffled. Perhaps this is exhibiting itself in more ways than just this instance, and if so, its especially something youll want to address head on and as a team. You dont deserve to be treated that way. Iam lost. BTW- my husband didnt blink an eye when I told him I was going to Vegas for a whole week with a male co-worker. Either way, the poster is mimicking them in an exaggerated way in order to make them appear more foolish and unreasonable than they would if portrayed accurately. Also it can help having an objective outsider there. Im still trying to figure a way out of it, but I wish I hadnt given in to his demands in the first place. My wife has these same kinds of fears during my daily commute, let alone when I travel for business. And not for couples counselling, either she needs to work on strategies to deal with him. I also love Vegas. The reality of the place is really NBD. Your husband also seems really unduly anxious about Las Vegas. The gambling and drinking are pretty easy to not participate in if you dont want to. ), but accommodating him a bit on that is reasonable, in my book and most importantly, has zero to do with his feeling ownership of me or thinking his wishes trump my work demands, and more to do with just wanting to be sure Im safe. If all he has to go off of are the stereotypes in movies and advertising then I can definitely see how it would be easy for him to be a combination of jealous and insecure. There are a lot of people on vacation. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. If you ever felt something was wrong you can tell a bartender, a waiter, a cop, that you need some help. I dont know, maybe other people are able to work through this kind of thing, but I couldnt. You know you can go to Vegas and have fun and not be kidnapped or drugged. Hes not Master of the House. As sinful as it gets, I tell ya! Im betting its either a case of asking leading questions, an over-reporting of the amount of agreement received, or hearing more agreement than was actually being expressed on the part of OPs husband. It mostly makes me question his survey methods, which I assume involved leading questions like, would you let your wife go to a naked business orgy in Las Vegas?. If it didn't work you were stuck with a super cringe photo until the next time you tried to get everyone together. Agreed. You get into a state of physical arousal (sweating, shaking, racing heart, fast breathing, etc) and it often gives you a screaming headache, roiling tummy, and makes you irritable and prone to tears. The idea of where we are in danger is terribly skewed in the US. I dont think that would help the situation, however. Most business conferences result in 3 days on location you probably wont leave the hotel. I cant speak for anyone but IMHO a little travel, twice a year or so is fine and take your spouse if you can but this several overnights monthly is not what I signed up for. Only time we have really argued is this stupid Vegas trip which isnt mandatory. We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. Actually if you go off the Strip theres quite a few things to see and do around Vegas (also non-gambler here), desert hikes, assorted museums (notably neon art & the mob), and my personal favorite the Pinball Hall of Fame which has 100+ playable pinball machines (old and new). Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party.. That was one reason I had to STOP watching so much Law N Order / Criminal Minds / CSI / whatever. : Dont bring your kids to The Thunder Down Under that show doesnt have anything to do with the weather) but its pretty safe, relatively speaking. But we had conversations where we discussed what I was doing to stay safe, and we had agreed upon methods of checking in (calling / texting at certain reasonable times, for example). Right. <3. Do I refuse to go to save my marriage or go on the trip and try to keep good stance in my company? And the issue was never me, or our marriage or anything like that, it was entirely a him problem, his anxiety and fear due to an accident we had Christmas eve one year. I hope they can find a solution. Be ready to beg, borrow, steal to brainwash your partner to start traveling with you. My spouse also has some anxiety issues, and will develop obsessive worries about certain irrational things. Anger can feel like a reward I always feel more assertive and more in control when Im angry than when Im anxious (and theres a lot of overlap between anger and anxiety anyway, thanks to physical arousal and adrenaline). And you will regret it even more if your marriage ends and you put yourself in a worse position just to appease irrational fears. But truly, its a secondary concern here. So its not like its all new. I understand everyones points of view completely, just a couple questions and I apologize if theyve already been asked and answered 1) but is it possible that he go too 2) my spouse travels monthly, I hate it. For example, many people have inherited cultural baggage that makes them scoff at the idea of therapy, which they think is for crazy people. Giving the husband the most benefit of the doubt possible, its possible he rants and raves and his friends all go hmm, interesting. Not seeing any benefit in engaging someone whos clearly nuts on the subject. If you do this, he will *hate* it; I did, and so did my Mother, when I started doing this. Hmm Shes probably going to cheat on me in Vegas because thats what people do in VegasWait I cant say that, of course shes going to deny ithmm, what else can I say to convince her to stay Kidnapping! I loved the weird, entertaining shows on the street, the warm evenings, the bustle and cheer. Not everything is anxiety and depression, AAM commentariat. In cases with a controlling spouse, marriage counseling is not recommended. Something tells me that his unofficial polling of his friends went something like this: Husband: Oh my god, can you believe the irresponsible way in which my wifes employer is taking them on a conference to Vegas. I wonder if the husband is insecure that the wife is the primary breadwinner and might be subconsciously trying to sab0toge her career. Hey, if they didnt want me to take 2 Jacuzzi baths a day they shouldnt have put a TV in there! That doesnt strike me as weird at all. Well, okay, then, if your mom says so!. At least, not something like this, which is a very normal part of having a job. From the outside, his train of thought is totally irrational. I didnt hear that there were kids. But don't worry, Daisy. Ioverheard mymother-in-law say, Did she really have nowhere else togo. OP, I feel for you and your husband. The point being that because he cares about you, he will do whatever he can to make his relationship with you as strong as possible. But youre his spouse and in a perfect position to help him understand whats going on and try to help fix it! People cheat in the tiniest of towns. Go. Its like the least romantic version of the old I wore her down until she agreed to go on a date, and now weve been married for 30 years trope. It can be; it can also be a culture that has different views on whats important in a relationship. I strongly suspect it is not actually about Vegas, but perhaps a trip full of family friendly activities there could solve his issue if it is, in fact, about Vegas. I think Id feel safer there than in my own city, where things can get desolate sometimes. People who cheat assume everyone else will cheat, too. Once I was done baby would go back into his seat until the next time. The lack of trust here is pretty disturbing, as are his over-the-top fears. On top of everything Allison said, it might work to show him how normal business travel to Las Vegas is. THANK you. Yes, but even then, not a spouses authority to decide if hubby/wife can go on a trip, business or otherwise. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Illegal prostitution happens in Vegas, to be sureas it happens pretty much everywhere in the country. However, as hes not likely to acknowledge his issues without some therapy, couples counseling is probably a sensible place to ask him to start. Period. Lets not give credibility to LWs spouse by arguing the matter of whether its really dangerous, or whether he has reasons to believe she will have an affair. Honestly, it feels awful. Talk about what services you provide. It blows my mind that people see this as acceptable behaviour. Honestly, corporate meetings in Vegas are not the sexfests people think they are. He is obviously in distress, and rational or not, that is a bigger problem than just whether OP should go on her business trip. I also am a pretty straight laced married woman whos been in the same committed relationship for two decades and most of those trips were without my partner. You can add it up to four. Why he wants to go alone. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. I dont think hed bring up that the majority of people he asked thought he was wrong. The Rio does have huge rooms! Haha! Thank you, other wise my husband is very supportive. The place smells like cigarette smoke. Connect with your family and friends, and even try tomake new friends. Just a quick note to say can people please stop calling it abuse and then recommending marriage counselling in the same breath. And LWs husband doesnt get to veto business trips, either. Kj will notice if you dont come home one night.. Good for you,OP, for asking how to deal with a difficult situation. I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. Tell your husband to get a grip, and then yes, get some counseling to get over this anxiety. (Great people that I wish I could work with.no real role for me in what they do, though.). Armchair diagnosis of either is not useful, but it doesnt hurt to remind people of possible things to consider. Personally, I think its far more likely that hes just using others or my friends agree as a generic point in his favor without actually having asked them. Vegas is not somewhere Id vacation, but conferences there are very smooth and convenient. Who knows what they actually said, if he asked at all. I highly doubt these people genuinely agree with him, but are more likely playing the supportive friend role. If you bring consoling up, will he go? Your husband has insane insecurity issues. My take is that the uptick is in reporting and discussion, not the behavior itself. Theres some merit to this and the What happens in Vegas thing. One of our Bright Side readers sent us an e-mail pouring her heart out about a tricky situation she's going through. This. I might include a warning when I announce the event though thats like, even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism or whatever. As a non-gambler I found Las Vegas boring as hell. It has helped me also to understand where that response came from not just the ex baggage, but early childhood experiences damaged his basic trust, which he is working on. I have a 3 yr old, almost 2 yr old, and 2 month old. If I went home today and told my husband, My work is sending me on a business trip to Las Vegas in 3 months, this would be his response: Wow, honey, thats great! Im almost always jealous of the cool stuff he sees in his job, but I cant imagine being angry or upset about the trips. Thank you for sharing this. Disordered anxiety changes shape to fit inside whatever container is available, which might be infidelity or kidnapping or alien abduction. Remember the man who wanted his female co-worker to dress like a Little House on the Prairie extra? I actually disagree. BTW, I hate the what happens in Vegas slogan and commercials as someone who did have a relationship end because of my partners infidelity, its not something that I find funny or amusing, and I cant imagine Im alone in that. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. If youre not and this is out of the blue, it really sounds like his anxiety is getting the best of him (especially with the note about kidnapping), and he might need more individual help. She thought surely I would be kidnapped in the dark parking lot. The tipping point came when he suggested I find my boss a girlfriend you know, so Boss wouldnt be tempted to hit on me. When an argument starts stop trying to persuade him or defend yourself. Last time you went on a business trip, you spent the entire time dealing with his feelings about it instead of focusing of what you were actually there to do. I was going to say this, the touristy areas and especially the casinos are crawling with security and cameras. Because my husband trusts me. This is a great comment. But VEGAS?! Most of them. I hope he really is as great as you say, and that this is a one-off. Nikada / iStock. I remember being like, What would I even DO with all this space? ha! But they are the obvious two and also both hot-button topics on this forum. Adifficult orstressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. OP take care of you first. I don't think it won't be that bad though. Im wondering if hes ever been to Vegas? This is also what I pictured especially if he freaks out like this regularly-ish (every time she has a trip its a big ongoing issue for a chunk of time), his friends might have just learned to ride out the rant with general affirmative noises. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. In THAT case, that is a super not-normal response, and its very strange that theres a whole group of people who support this thinking. apply jobappnetwork com elior; farmington, ct homes for sale by owner Since I took the position five years ago, they have sent management on a three-day business trip each year. Is it indulging in a pleasurable vice? I know that you arent the one with the issue, but just letting you know. The only effective thing to do with anger is for one of you to walk away leave the house if you have to. We look out for each other. Bookings are open for June, July, and August family vacations in 2023, with per person prices starting at $3,699. Contributors control their own work and . Oh, for sure. The threading makes it a little unclear, but thats not the part under discussion: Top-Level Comment: If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag., Response: Or its an indication that they live in a different culture than the one you know..